You know how miserable it is to fly? The crying babies, the perpetual delays, the fistfights breaking out over reclined seats.
Now imagine you did that every… single… day. And you didn’t get paid much for it either.
Welcome to the life of a flight attendant, where you may get to travel the world, but you have to do it with all the people who make the world such a miserable place.
There are a few things people say to flight attendants that really get into our nerve.
Below is 16 passenger questions that will absolutely send flight attendants off the rails.
Questions You Should Never Ask Your Flight Attendant
1 “Am I going to make my connection?”
This is an easy one. Well, let’s see… we just collected your empty cup, it’s 1:15 p.m., and your connecting flight leaves at 1:20 p.m. Let’s shake the old Magic 8 Ball here aaaaaaand … signs point to “No.”
2 “Why can’t I use the first-class bathroom?”
Let’s be completely blunt and honest here. Yes, we know it’s just another bathroom. But if we let anyone just use it, it wouldn’t be the first-class bathroom. Besides, first-class passengers pay an extra premium for privacy, so it wouldn’t do them any justice if the entire plane kept walking up and down the aisle to use their toilets.
3 “Why do I have to check my bag?”
Simple. This entire plane if full of jerks who stuffed the overhead bins with winter coats and pet rock collections. Maybe they’ll all chip in for your bag fee.
4 “Do you know if this meal is gluten free?”
The answer to this question is always “yes.” That “sensitivity” to gluten, it’s in your head.
5 “Why isn’t there a movie, Wi-Fi, or entertainment?”
Because there’s not. If you take a look at our inflight magazine, however, you’ll find a lovely list of places to see around at your destination or anywhere around the world. We hear Phuket is beautiful this time of year.
6 “Why are we delayed?”
Look out the window. See how the tarmac resembles Lambeau Field in January? MAYBE that’s why. Maybe.
7 “So, are you in the mile-high club?”
Right now, I’m strangely jealous of the women at the bar who you use such stupid lines on. At least they can smack you.
8 “What are we flying over?”
Brown stuff. Or blue stuff. Or black stuff with yellow dots. One of those.
9 “Will you help me lift my bag?”
Because of workers comp rules we’re not allowed to, but a word of advice to help you avoid this problem in the future: CHECK YOUR LARGE BAGS!
10 “Do you have anything for my child to eat?”
When you booked the flight, did you somehow forgot that your small child needs to dine around this time? Stellar parenting, well done. Have some cheddar stick snack mix.
11 “Where is my seat?”
You’re in 21A, so we’d say right under the placard that says “14” on the side marked “DEF”. It’s a fun little game we like to play with passengers.
12 “Will they hold the plane?”
We’re gonna almost always say yes, mostly so that you calm down and don’t ask our other favorite question: “Can we get off the plane first?”. But the truth is, unless there’s a large group of you connecting to the same flight (or it’s crazy expensive to rebook you), they’re not inconveniencing 200 other people just for you.
13 “Will my bag make it?”
That would be a great question if we were large dudes dressed in coveralls and fluorescent yellow vests, and working on the tarmac.
14 “When will the weather improve?”
We’ll take it as a compliment that you think we could pass for the weather women on your local FOX affiliate, but as it stands, we possess neither meteorological training nor extra silicone.
15 “Is there something more appropriate for my child to watch?”
Yes. The back of his eyelids.
16 “Do you have any empty seats in business class/first class/exit row I can sit in?”
Do you have a debit card with at least $200 on it? Then yes. I’ll call the ground agent for you.
If only the pilot could turn on a “no-dumb-questions” light on the plane. What other questions do you get asked and how do you answer them?
This article originally appeared as 21 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Flight Attendant By Matt Meltzer on Yahoo Lifestyle.
[Featured photo by Stalo, posted with permission]